The emotional impact of relationships of can sometimes have negative mental health effects on a person. Whether it’s getting over a break-up or facing the reality of a one-sided romance, how a person deals with each challenge is crucial to their well-being.
Resources
https://dame.com/how-to-overcome-masturbation-shame/
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/yes_no_maybe_so_a_sexual_inventory_stocklist
https://health.uark.edu/medical-health/gyt-clinic.php
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/safe_sound_sexy_a_safer_sex_howto
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/testing_testing
https://mentalhealth.uark.edu/relationships-are-sweet/
Relationship Challenge
A wise teacher once said, “Be that which you seek”. Developing the qualities of being at peace with ourselves, and showing confidence in who we are seems to attract others to us. Relationships often flourish in a positive atmosphere of genuineness and mutual respect. A balance of confidence, humility, and compassion are much more comfortable to be around than negativity and arrogance.
Life is a process of choices and growth. We can choose to become involved in life or live in a powerless realm of avoidance, denial, fear and worry with anxiety and depression close at hand. Not to discount the presence of biological, environmental, mental, and spiritual elements, we do control a certain amount of choice, responsibility, and consequence. There are extremes to most things and people. One possibility is to find the middle ground. I am suggesting a sense of balance. Our actions, words, and self-esteem project an image of who we are and what we want. Sometimes we fool ourselves into believing that someone is “perfect” or exactly what we want, only to find out later that they are not who we thought they were. That is most likely, but not always, a projection. The result is often a sense of loss, followed (at a rate determined by you) by another search for the “perfect” match, and the pattern may continue. What is the alternative?
A few suggestions:
- Get to know yourself (the good, bad, ugly, and the beautiful). Know your strengths and weakness, your ways of coping in this life that work and do not work. This can help you in making decisions and recognizing when you may be repeating a pattern that has not worked for you. If you do not know who you are, find out. Get into counseling; you are worth the effort. You are uniquely YOU. Look at your patterns in past relationships and learn from every situation.
- Make a list or think about what you want in a partner, and make a list of what you bring to the relationship. Are you looking for a short-term, long-term, physical, social, and/or spiritual connection? Are you looking for commitment to a monogamous (one person at a time) or polygamous (many people at one time) relationship? Can you communicate what you want and need to someone you are attracted to? Do your beliefs, morals, and values match or find common ground?
- Be yourself and recognize that we are all imperfect and hopefully, doing the best we can. Accepting ourselves is important, and there are ways to change some things in ourselves through diligent awareness and consistent effort. How your relationships turn out may be reflected in how you treat yourself.
- Strong relationships are built on mutual respect, acceptance of one another (as much as we are capable), direct communication, and clear individual boundaries for self and the relationship. Love, sex, mutual goals, similar interests, and a variety of other things are all a part of the development of strong relationships and deserve to be explored when the attraction is present.
- Understand that people are who they are and you will not change them. We can change only ourselves. If you expect people to become exactly what you want, you may find disappointment and resentment just around the corner. Figure out what you can live with and what you cannot. Discuss it, and find compromises that work for both of you. Hopefully, you can find a relationship that is much more positive than negative. Yes, it takes real effort and it is worth it if you are willing to see the opportunity for growth and continue in the process of finding your bliss. Happiness is more a product of what is within you than “out there”.
- Give yourself and your prospective partner time to get to know one another in various situations. When trying to develop a relationship, most people put their best foot forward to make good impressions on others. The image you see may not be the whole truth of the individual. Take the time, if you want a strong and lasting relationship, and do not allow physical/sexual encounters to become the starting place or anchor. It is much more difficult to see the real person when lust or desire dominates the relationship. If it is to work, time and experience will build the foundation. If not, recognize the differences and, without blaming, move on.
The many experiences in our lives can be viewed from the perspective of a victim (out of our control and more negative than positive) or as an opportunity (some sense of influence or participation and more positive than negative). It often depends on your view of yourself and the world. Whatever your belief system or perspective, consider participating in your life’s journey by becoming consciously aware of how and why you do what you do, and how that influences your choices and the kinds of relationships you experience. As you get to know yourself and enjoy your process in this life, you may find that special someone smiling back at you and wanting to walk with you in your journey.
If you seek love and acceptance, peace, respect, compassion, and the “right” partner for you, BE THAT WHICH YOU SEEK, start with yourself.
Copyright 2005 by University of Arkansas Pat Walker Health Center, Counseling & Psychological Services.
Permission is granted to reproduce this information as long as the copyright notice remains intact. The information on this page was written by Pam J. Matthews, Ph.D., LPC, LCSW
Break Ups
How to Get Over a Break Up: http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/how-to-get-over-breakups/